How to Succeed at Work when You Have Social Anxiety

Co-authored by Chloe Carmichael, PhD

Last Updated: January 31, 2023 References

Fear of public speaking is the most common phobia. However, social anxiety can go far beyond giving a speech. Social anxiety involves an extreme fear of social situations in which you may be concerned about others judging you or about you making a fool of yourself.^{[1]
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Go to source} People with social anxiety may be affected by the condition throughout all aspects of their lives, or only in certain situations, like at work. Regardless, social anxiety can be crippling to your career, preventing you from building relationships at work, speaking up for yourself, or sharing your ideas. You can keep social anxiety under control at work by learning to manage common anxiety-provoking interactions, practicing relaxation techniques, and getting professional treatment.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Managing Everyday Work Situations

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Arrive early to acclimate. If you are trying to increase your odds of excelling at work, you need to learn how to work around the contexts that bring on anxiety. A big part of the stress brought on by social anxiety is related to unfamiliar situations or environments. Counteract the stress you feel in unfamiliar circumstances by getting a feel for the location beforehand.
- Simply arriving early to map out the entrance, exit, and restrooms could make all the difference in helping you feel more comfortable and less intimidated by the environment.
- For example, if you are scheduled to speak at a work conference on Saturday, attend the events on Friday to see what the environment and audience are like. You may even meet a few people who can be familiar faces to focus on during your talk.
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Practice, practice, practice. Preparation is key to helping anyone feel more confident in the workplace. This is especially true for those suffering from social anxiety. While others may be able to wing their part of a presentation--or simply pull an all-nighter—you’ll likely perform better by giving yourself plenty of time to become familiar with the material you are presenting and the environment.
- Stay late after work a few days, and practice presenting in the area where you’ll do the real thing. Even better—ask a coworker with whom you’re on friendly terms to sit in and give you constructive feedback.
- Time management is essential when you’re trying to decrease anxiety at work.^{[2]
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  Research source} Leaving tasks to the last minute will only make you feel more self-conscious about your knowledge and abilities, making you appear incompetent to coworkers and superiors.
- For tasks like cold-calling clients, create a script that you can practice ahead of time and then fall back on during phone calls to reduce anxiety. The more your practice a task, the easier it will become.
- Be proactive, too. Know what triggers your anxiety and plan how to handle these things, practicing whatever technique works. Without practice, you’re asking your brain to try something new while it is stressed. Practice techniques when you don't need them, so that when you do need them they’re mostly muscle memory.
3
Schedule difficult meetings or confrontations on your terms. Have you been itching to talk to your boss about a promotion? You’ll make your best case if you are able to discuss the matter with composure. You can achieve this by planning ahead and scheduling a meeting rather than having the talk in an impromptu fashion. Drop by your boss’s office and ask if they can set aside a few minutes one day during the following week for a chat. When you do this, you have time to prepare your pitch and your boss has time to actually listen.
- Even when the discussion is happening on someone else’s terms, you can still use this tactic. If a coworker comes by your desk asking you to discuss your latest reports, explain how you’re swamped with paperwork and will chat with them at the end of the work day. Having even a few extra minutes to prepare can diminish the stress you feel.
- You might say, "Hey, Bill, I know we need to discuss those reports, but now is not a good time for me. I'm busy putting the finishing touches on this proposal. Can we get together right before you leave today?"
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Have a few conversation topics in mind for networking events. No matter how much you hate it, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to wiggle out of every workplace social affair. For those that you have to attend, do the prep work beforehand. This won’t make you feel any less awkward or nervous, but it will help you appear composed to any potential clients and your ever-observant supervisor.
- Engage other people in conversation and listen to them carefully. Ask open-ended questions to focus the attention on the other person. You will seem curious, interested, and socially adept.^{[3]
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- You can also watch the news or media reports the preceding week to stay current on local or national events. That way, when an awkward silence arises, you have a few conversation starters up your sleeve.
- Research the key players who’ll be in attendance and do a quick analysis of their names and any pertinent details that may be useful in conversation. Think about factors like alma maters, recent accomplishments, family, and personal interests.
- For example, you might say something like “I hear you are quite the avid bird-watcher, Rick. Have you been out lately?” or “Mrs. Rhodes, my wife is an alumnus at Columbia as well. I wonder if you know her…”
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Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Reducing Anxiety at Work

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Practice deep breathing throughout your workday. Just as it’s important to have strategies to help you perform better at work, it’s equally significant to have some techniques at hand to help you quell anxiety in the moment. Regardless of how prepared you are, you may still experience some stress when encountering novel circumstances. Incorporating a deep breathing practice can kick on your body’s natural stress response.^{[4]
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- Try the 4-7-8 approach. When you’re feeling stressed, inhale deeply from your nose for 4 counts. Hold the breath for 7 counts. Then, exhale from your mouth slowly for 8 counts. Repeat this as needed whenever anxiety occurs.
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Repeat a calming affirmation to challenge fear. One of the primary contributors to debilitating anxiety is your thought process. Often your thoughts may be negative or irrational in nature, which lead to you feeling worse about yourself or a situation.^{[5]
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Research source} Work on replacing negative thoughts with neutral statements.^{[6]
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- Replace statements like, “I am a loser” with statements like, “Not everyone will like me, but there may be some people that do."
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Chat with an understanding friend. Having a confidante at work who is accepting and supportive of your social anxiety can be a comfort. Call on this person to vent frustrations, practice different scenarios, or simply to have a laugh when you’re feeling overwhelmed.^{[7]
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- Say, "Hey, Julia, do you have a sec? I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed." Then, take the time to express your worries, or simply have a laugh.
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Try grounding. Select a grounding trinket to place in your hand during difficult interactions. Anxiety can override your typical common sense and leave you fearful of completely innocent situations. Another method to help you combat social anxiety at work is to select a small memento to keep with you that brings you a sense of calm.
- Keep this memento in your pocket or at your desk to rub between your fingers. Doing this grounds you to the present moment and can bring on more peaceful feelings associated with the trinket’s history.
- This trinket can be anything: a button from your spouse’s shirt, an eye from your daughter’s old teddy bear, or special coin inherited from your father.
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Overcoming Social Anxiety

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See a therapist. Seek professional treatment for your social anxiety disorder. By far, cognitive-behavioral therapy has been shown to be one of the most effective treatments for your condition. In this type of therapy, you will work with your therapist to develop healthy ways to cope with anxiety, learn how to identify and challenge negative thought patterns, and gradually face situations that provoke anxiety.^{[8]
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- If your anxiety is debilitating and significantly impacts your ability to function at home, at work, and in your relationships, you may also need to see a doctor for medications to help you cope while you learn new skills in therapy.
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Create an exposure hierarchy. One of the many kinds of exercises you may complete in therapy is an exposure hierarchy. If you feel competent, you may be able to start this on your own. If not, you can work with your therapist to move through the exercise.
- In your exposure hierarchy, you must write down a list of 10 situations that cause anxiety for you. You will rank them in order of severity on a 100-point scale (100 being most severe). Choose the lowest situation on your list and do it. Then, slowly move up the list.
- For example, your lowest-ranking situation may be to say “Hi” to the receptionist at your job. The highest-ranking behavior might be to ask your boss for a raise. You will start with the lowest and complete it before moving to the next.^{[9]
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Know that you are not alone. Estimates show that about 7% of the population is affected by social anxiety disorder.^{[10]
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Research source} Although you may feel like you are suffering in isolation, there are others out there who understand what you are experiencing.
- Talk to your therapist or doctor about connecting you with a support group of others who have social anxiety. In the groups, you may develop a sense of family with others like you and learn more strategies on how to cope and succeed with this condition.
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How can a therapist help?

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over a decade of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”

Chloe Carmichael, PhD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

A good therapist will teach you skills that are portable, so you'll be able to use them in a variety of situations throughout your life.

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When speaking to others, try a technique called slow-talk. In this technique you slow your speech down by about a half second to help you feel more calm.

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